After the Storm

Conflicts + arguments + debates + excuses + justifications + discussions = A dedicated effort to communicate one's ideas through verbal means.

I truly hope that no one took the short communication lesson to a personal level.

Well, like the Chinese proverbs say, the more people argue, the closer their bonds will be.

Besides, I don't think anyone will fight with anyone or over anything they don't care about.

The 100/0 Principle in relationships, by Al Ritter

The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.

STEP 1 - Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.

STEP 2 - Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.

STEP 3 - Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don't take the bait.

STEP 4 - Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.

WHAT NOT TO DO:

Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like "that won't work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I know," etc.

Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!

Principle Paradox

This may strike you as strange, but here's the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100.