The black hole

First day at work. Orientation. Lunch. Paperwork. Introduction. Intimidating. Will be doing statistics-intensive stuff. So, regretting my lack of effort in all my stats classes.

Met the other interns. People looked professionally and aloof at first, but are actually friendly. Met another girl who is going through what I went through a few days ago - the "Why the h*ll am I in this f*cking place where I don't know anyone" syndrome.

Thankful that I know one person in Boston, at least, sister Sue Yen. Thank you Sue Yen Angel, your kindness and the caring church community that you introduced me to saved me from this vacuum of emptiness and loneliness. This city would have slowly dissolved me with its dark coldness if you weren't here.

Just when I thought I can do this living-alone-work-in-big-city thing, my colleague, who is also going through the same thing told me how she was feeling, and all the black hole inside me started to reactivate itself. The chills came back for a minute.

I started to wonder, how did people do this? Moving away to a new city, live alone, starting all over. It takes so much courage. I realized, most people would build their support system. People have friends, family, significant others, or a strong church community that makes the whole thing a lot less scary. How would one do it all by himself or herself? No wonder colleges have great welcoming programs to make one fit right in. Praise the Lord for that.

I recall a quote from Autumn in My Heart, "I wanna be a tree in my next life. Then we would never ever have to be apart." What treasures, what aspirations would be a worthy prize for one to abandon 'home', the safest, warmest place where the heart rests?

But if one stays put, one will be a tree, never knowing what lies beyond the bush.
One must learn to be like the wind, as carefree, boldly taking the world in her stride. But the wind has no heart, she doesn't feel any pain leaving the ones she love...Maybe she knows that she will come right back to them, in full force (^___^)