Back to that frightfully familiar moment when it is your turn to
speak but your mind goes blank. Don’t panic. Instead of signaling
verbally or nonverbally that you “got it,” simply repeat—or
parrot—the last two or three words your companion said, in a
sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball
right back in your partner’s court.
My friend Phil sometimes picks me up at the airport. Usually
I am so exhausted that I rudely fall asleep in the passenger seat,
relegating Phil to nothing more than a chauffeur.
After one especially exhausting trip some years ago, I flung
my bags in his trunk and flopped onto the front seat. As I was
dozing off, he mentioned he’d gone to the theater the night before.
Usually I would have just grunted and wafted into unconsciousness.
However, on this particular trip, I had learned the Parroting
technique and was eager to try it. “Theater?” I parroted
quizzically.
“Yes, it was a great show,” he replied, fully expecting it to be
the last word on the subject before I fell into my usual sleepy
stupor.
“Great show?” I parroted. Pleasantly surprised by my interest,
he said, “Yes, it’s a new show by Stephen Sondheim called Sweeney
Todd.”
“Sweeney Todd ?” I again parroted. Now Phil was getting fired
up. “Yeah, great music and an unbelievably bizarre story. . . .”
“Bizarre story?” I parroted. Well, that’s all Phil needed. For
the next half an hour, Phil told me the show’s story about a London
barber who went around murdering people. I half dozed, but
soon decided his tale of Sweeney Todd’s cutting off peoples’ heads
was disturbing my sleepy reverie. So I simply backed up and parroted
one of his previous phrases to get him on another track.
“You said it had great music?”
That did the trick. For the rest of the forty-five-minute trip to
my home, Phil sang me “Pretty Women,” “The Best Pies in London,”
and other songs from Sweeney Todd—much better accompaniment
for my demi-nap. I’m sure, to this day, Phil thinks of
that trip as one of the best conversations we ever had. And all I did
was parrot a few of his phrases.
- A very inspiring chapter in "How to Talk to Anyone - 92 Tricks to Successful Relationships",
the book that changed my perspective on communication, forever.
