“What Do I Say Next?”

Back to that frightfully familiar moment when it is your turn to

speak but your mind goes blank. Don’t panic. Instead of signaling

verbally or nonverbally that you “got it,” simply repeat—or

parrot—the last two or three words your companion said, in a

sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball

right back in your partner’s court.

My friend Phil sometimes picks me up at the airport. Usually

I am so exhausted that I rudely fall asleep in the passenger seat,

relegating Phil to nothing more than a chauffeur.

After one especially exhausting trip some years ago, I flung

my bags in his trunk and flopped onto the front seat. As I was

dozing off, he mentioned he’d gone to the theater the night before.

Usually I would have just grunted and wafted into unconsciousness.

However, on this particular trip, I had learned the Parroting

technique and was eager to try it. “Theater?” I parroted

quizzically.

“Yes, it was a great show,” he replied, fully expecting it to be

the last word on the subject before I fell into my usual sleepy

stupor.

“Great show?” I parroted. Pleasantly surprised by my interest,

he said, “Yes, it’s a new show by Stephen Sondheim called Sweeney

Todd.”

“Sweeney Todd ?” I again parroted. Now Phil was getting fired

up. “Yeah, great music and an unbelievably bizarre story. . . .”

“Bizarre story?” I parroted. Well, that’s all Phil needed. For

the next half an hour, Phil told me the show’s story about a London

barber who went around murdering people. I half dozed, but

soon decided his tale of Sweeney Todd’s cutting off peoples’ heads

was disturbing my sleepy reverie. So I simply backed up and parroted

one of his previous phrases to get him on another track.

“You said it had great music?”

That did the trick. For the rest of the forty-five-minute trip to

my home, Phil sang me “Pretty Women,” “The Best Pies in London,”

and other songs from Sweeney Todd—much better accompaniment

for my demi-nap. I’m sure, to this day, Phil thinks of

that trip as one of the best conversations we ever had. And all I did

was parrot a few of his phrases.

- A very inspiring chapter in "How to Talk to Anyone - 92 Tricks to Successful Relationships",

the book that changed my perspective on communication, forever.