How do you tell what someone really wants?
How do you make a decision that optimizes the final outcome and bring maximum utility?
How should we reveal our intentions to help induce the "best" outcome?
What if what I think you want is not what you really want?
What if what I think you think I want is not what I really want?
What if what you think you want is not what I think you want?
以小人之心度君子之腹 - yi3 xiao3 ren2 zhi1 xin1 du02 jun1 zi zhi1 fu4
- A Chinese idiom that means a petty, mean person having negative preconceived notions about another person's (usually noble) intentions.
Scenario 1:
A is kind and helpful. A is very kind to B. A is also kind to B's friends, C and D. One day, A offered a ride to the grocery store. C and D 以小人之心度君子之腹 by assuming that A's offer was intended for B if A is innocently being kind, as A always is.
Scenario 2:
A likes to eat. A eats a lot. B is A's best friend. B is concerned that A will be out of shape if A keeps this outrageous eating habit. At a meal, B warned A and stopped A from eating fried chicken wings. A 以小人之心度君子之腹, by assuming that B's intentions were to hinder A from finishing all the wings, so B can eat more wings.
Can we be frank? Or is the truth too harsh on relationships so fragile and delicate?
I'd love to think that in true relationships, everyone has the privilege to be as bare as a peeled banana, as truthful as a 3-year-old, as blunt as a rock, and as honest as any grumpy husband can be.
I give all my friends the right to be just that. Don't be wary of what might hurt my feelings, because your lack of faith in my magnanimosity (ability to forgive and forget) is even more hurtful.
Intentions - the hidden gems, the concealed daggers.
